Late-pril Fools 2024

5 animals, 4 real, 1 fake. Which are real and which Late-pril Fooled ya’?
______________________

April Fools’ Day was a time of tricks, pranks, and… of course… fools. Today your host, Devon, and co-hosts, Chet and Cap, will talk about five animal species: the Sarcastic Fringehead, Common Side-blotched Lizard, Atlantic Mudskipper, Hoatzin, and Stomach-Sucker, one of which is fake, and you’ll have to guess.

The reveal is in a bonus episode that was published one week later. Even though the deadline has passed for submitting your guess, you can still try to guess which it is before listening to it! And be sure NOT to share any of the facts in today’s episode until you know which animal is fake. Happy Late April Fools’ Day!

Credits:

• Additional Music: Blue Dot Sessions, ZapSplat, and Kevin MacLeod.

Links:

• Photos of the Prize
• Episode Page
• Transcript

Chapters

• 0:00 Intro
• 2:34 Sarcastic Fringehead
• 7:38 Common Side-blotched Lizard
• 19:16 Atlantic Mudskipper
• 27:05 Hoatzin
• 34:03 Stomach-Sucker
• 39:02 How to Guess
• 40:24 Outro

Transcript

→ Intro

APRIL FOOLS MUSIC (SERGIO’S MAGIC DUSTBIN) begins

DEVON

Hello and welcome to Kingdom: Animalia—the podcast where we cover all the facts about one species in this amazing Kingdom: Animalia every episode. I’m your host, Devon,…

CHET

Chicka And we’re your Chicka co-hosts, Chicka Chet

CAP

Chicka And Cap! Chicka And oh yeah, we’re back Chicka hatchling!

DEVON

And today we are returning from our hiatus, not with a normal episode, but with our Late-pril Fools 2024 special. Because it’s a little too late for April—sorry about that. And long time listeners will know, in our April Fools episode, we have five crazy animals, four of them are examples of how crazy our animal kingdom can be and one of them is an example of how good or bad my imagination is. And you can send in your guesses, but this time, there’s more at stake: because if you guess it right, you get a special prize. Can I get a drumroll please, Chet?

CHET

Chicka Alrighty.

DRUMROLL

DEVON

A 3D-printed set of Chet and Cap models! You get two guesses, and if you guess the fake animal, you get a 3D-printed set of Chet and Cap models!

CAP

Chicka So then you can look at us and Chicka see how handsome we are every Chicka day!

DEVON

I guess. So, before we get into the episode, don’t go around telling people about the facts from this episode, because one fifth of them are fake. So here are the animals: Sarcastic Fringehead, Neoclinus blanchardi, the fish that fights with giant lip flaps; the Common Side-blotched Lizard, Uta stansburiana, the lizard that plays rock-paper-scissors and quality vs. quantity with mating strategies; the Atlantic Mudskipper, Periophthalmus barbarus, the fish that spends most of their time out of the water and can drown; the Hoatzin, Opisthocomus hoazin, the bird has the digestive system of a cow and with babies that have clawed wings; and the Stomach-Sucker, Aspidontus cibufurem, the fish that disguises themself as a cleaner fish to sneak into the stomachs of larger fish and turtles to eat off their food.

So enjoy, and pay attention.

MUSIC ends

→ Sarcastic Fringehead

TRANSITION STING 1

DEVON

Let’s start off with animal number one:

DING-DING

DEVON (CONT’D)

the Sarcastic Fringehead. The Sarcastic Fringehead is the largest species of fringehead fish.

THE MAISON begins

They can grow up to 12 inches or 30 and a half centimeters long, but most individuals are only 3 to 8 inches, or 7.6 to 29 centimeters long.

Their body is long, slender and slightly compressed. Their long dorsal fin extends from the rear of their head all the way down their body. Their heads are large, with a rounded snout and very prominent lips. Their large jaw extends back past their eye and is larger in males than females. Sarcastic Fringeheads have many needle-like teeth and fringe-like appendages called cirri over their eyes.

Their body color is usually brown to gray, often with a red tinge, with pale red or green blotches. Males can be almost black with the rear of their large jaw bright yellow. Usually, there are pale spots or patches on their cheeks. The skin stretched around their elongated jaw bones is known as the bucopalatal membrane, and it has been observed to reflect ultraviolet light.

MUSIC ends

As their name suggests, Sarcastic Fringeheads are very temperamental.

GOLEM begins

They are very territorial animals that aggressively protect their homes from all intruders, regardless of what size they are.

The majority of the time, Sarcastic Fringeheads are at rest in their homes, only their heads protruding. However, upon the first sight of danger, they'll deploy their huge mouths and needle-like teeth for defense.

First, they release a warning by opening their large mouths in the direction of their rivals. The mouth’s colorful coloration, combined with its huge size, allows the larger male to establish dominance over the smaller. Otherwise, the rivals' mouths are thrust very close to each other, sometimes touching. The smaller individual usually surrenders and leaves in defeat without the two actually fighting. If the rival still doesn't back down, they'll flare their mouths as wide as they can and swim directly into each other, each trying to push the other backwards and thereby prove they're the stronger fish. Sexual selection by females drives this system of intense male competition and territoriality.

MUSIC ends

Sarcastic Fringeheads usually spawn from January to August. They are oviparous, meaning they lay eggs. The female lays their eggs in what is usually a burrow abandoned by another fish or other animal. It is then the duty of the male to guard the nest that is connected to the wall of the shelter. Each egg has a globule of oil and filaments to attach it, both to the nest and to the other eggs.

Sarcastic Fringeheads can be found along the Pacific coast, from San Francisco, California to central Baja California, Mexico. Fringeheads are found along open coastlines with harsh mud or sand bottoms of depths of 10 to 240 feet or 3 to 73 meters.

They live in many kinds of shelters, such as the empty shells of clams and snails, abandoned burrows, and cracks in rock or clay outcroppings. They can also be found in the trash people leave in the ocean, such as bottles and cans. In fact, in some place called the "beer bottle field" of Santa Monica, which seems pretty self-explanatory, almost every bottle is home to a Sarcastic Fringehead.

Unlike their close relatives, Sarcastic Fringeheads are unable to suction feed to eat small plankton. Instead, they eat a large variety of other kinds of prey during the spawning season of squid. Sarcastic Fringeheads can be seen eating large numbers of squid eggs, which is a valuable food source. Their needle sharp teeth likely help them catch slippery, moving prey. These fish are ambush predators jumping out of their home to surprise the prey that’s swimming or moving by.

Now, it’s time for some fun facts.

BUILDING THE SLED begins

CHET  

Chicka Fact number Chicka one.

DEVON  

As you've probably guessed by now, “fringehead” refers to the large flaps of skin that grow on the sides of their heads. Sarcastic, on the other hand, is believed to derive from the Greek word sarkazein, which means to “tear flesh,” referring to their aggressive behavior.

CHET  

Chicka Fact number Chicka two.

DEVON  

Compared to their closest relatives, Sarcastic Fringehead are larger, they’re particularly aggressive, and their jaws are, well, crazy. But, apparently, these are not original adaptions. The Long-jawed Mudsucker has evolved a strangely similar set of features through what is called convergent evolution, where two completely unrelated species evolve very similar strategies to survive.

CHET  

Chicka Fact number Chicka three.

DEVON  

When fully in flare, their mouth can extend to as much as four times its closed size.

MUSIC ends

→ Common Side-blotched Lizard

TRANSITION STING 1

DEVON

Now animal number two:

DING-DING

DEVON (CONT’D)

The Common Side-blotched Lizard

CHET

Chicka “The Common Side-blotched Lizard”? Chicka That doesn’t sound too strange Chicka to me. Chicka Especially not compared to the Sarcastic Fringehead.

DEVON

Oh believe me, Chet, they can most certainly compete.

CHET

Chicka This has gotta be Chicka good.

DEVON

When it comes to crazy animals, these lizards certainly don’t look the part.

TARTE TARTIN begins

DEVON (CONT’D)

They are really small lizards, measuring around 1.5 to 3.5 inches or 3.8 to 8.9 centimeters, though they’re usually on the smaller side. They weigh 0.2 to 0.5 ounces or 5.6 to 14.2 grams. Side-blotched Lizards are sexually dimorphic, meaning one sex is larger or prettier. In Side-blotched Lizards, that is the male, who is usually longer and heavier than the female.

Both sexes are a “drab” gray or brown overall with white, to cream, to light gray bellies. The females have stripes running along their sides, whereas the males usually have either blue or orange blotches on their sides and tails. The males also have bright orange, blue, or yellow throats; more on that later.

Common Side-blotched Lizards can live up to three years both in captivity and in the wild, but they usually live for around two.

They are active throughout the day, though mostly during the afternoon. On warm and sunny days, they are often found basking on low shrubs and rocks, while they seek shelter underground in burrows or under shrubs or rocks on cold, hot, and rainy days.

They are typically found solo outside of the breeding season. And that is a perfect segue into the next sub-segment.

CAP

Chicka I think once you say that, Chicka it’s no longer a perfect Chicka segue.

MUSIC lowers in PITCH to a stop

DEVON

Don’t knock my flawless podcast transitions. Anyway, this is Kingdom: Animalia, not Kingdom: Segue.

 (Speaking loudly (annoyed))

So as I was trying to make a transition to…

 (Normal)

Let’s move on to breeding.

BARE ELM begins

DEVON (CONT’D)

The male Common Side-blotched Lizards display their bright throats and bodies in competitions for mates. Their breeding season takes place in late spring and early summer. The number and size of the eggs in each clutch the female lays is completely dependent on the environment and the female, again, more on that later. These clutches are incubated for 40 to 80 days, the warmer the weather, the shorter the incubation period. The hatchlings are usually around 0.8 to 1 inches or 2 to 2.5 centimeters long and look a lot like miniature females. As soon as they hatch, these lizard babies go off on their own and are fully mature within a year.

And now it’s time for the actual weirdness.

MUSIC fades out in BG

CHET

Chicka The suspense is killing Chicka me.

DEVON

Let’s start with the males. There are three male breeding strategies, each corresponding with the throat color varieties I mentioned earlier: orange, blue, and yellow.

First off, the orange male breeding strategy.

EPIC BOSS BATTLE begins

DEVON (CONT’D)

The orange males are the big, tough guys. They are the largest of all the types of males and the most aggressive. They keep large territories in which their numerous female mates reside.

MUSIC ends

DEVON (CONT’D)

Next, the blue males.

LORD WEASEL begins

DEVON (CONT’D)

The blue males are the peaceful, loyal males. They aren’t as aggressive and they keep smaller territories. In them, they have only one female mate of whom they are completely loyal to. They also cooperate with each  other for defense.

MUSIC ends

DEVON (CONT’D)

Lastly, the yellow males.

VILLAINOUS TREACHERY begins

DEVON (CONT’D)

The yellow males are sneaky and devious (if a lizard can be devious). They hang out in clusters instead of protecting territories of their own, and mimic females in both looks and behaviors in order to sneak into the oranges’ territories when they’re away to mate with the females; this earning them the name “sneaker” males.

MUSIC ends

DEVON (CONT’D)

If you thought that was the crazy part, it isn’t.

CHET

Chicka There’s MORE?!?

DEVON

Indeed. See, these male breeding strategies… play rock-paper-scissors.

CAP, CHET

Chicka Huh?

DEVON

Let me explain. These breeding strategies, orange, blue, and yellow, are like the moves in rock-paper-scissors.

Again, let’s start off with the orange males.

EPIC BOSS BATTLE begins

DEVON (CONT’D)

Orange beats blue. Because these males are larger, more aggressive, have bigger territories, and more mates than the blues, they have the advantage. But because of these large territories with so many mates to keep track of…

CUT TO:

VILLAINOUS TREACHERY

DEVON (CONT’D)

…the yellow males have more opportunities to sneak in and mate with a female. This is why the yellows have an advantage over the oranges; the oranges can’t possibly protect their entire territories from yellows at one time. So then the yellows begin to grow in numbers. But they do have one weakness:…

CUT TO:

LORD WEASEL

DEVON (CONT’D)

…the blues don’t have that issue because they have small territories and are loyal to only one female; this, combined with their teaming up with other males, allows them to easily fight off the sneaky yellows and grow in numbers themselves. But then,…

CUT TO:

EPIC BOSS BATTLE

DEVON (CONT’D)

…the oranges can mate with more females and take over. Orange beats blue, but is beaten yellow, who is beaten blue. Oranges are most successful when there are a lot of blues…

CUT TO:

VILLAINOUS TREACHERY

DEVON (CONT’D)

…yellows are most successful when there are a lot of oranges…

CUT TO:

LORD WEASEL

DEVON (CONT’D)

…and blues are most successful when there are a lot of yellows. This all results in a cycle that has been, well, cycling for millions of years.

MUSIC fades out

DEVON (CONT’D)

But… I’m not not done yet.

CHET

Chicka You have got to be kidding.

DEVON

I kid you not, Chet.

CAP

Chicka Oh this has got to be good.

DEVON

You see, this multi-million year cycle isn’t the same everywhere.

THREE STORIES begins

DEVON (CONT’D)

Research has shown that there are many populations of Side-blotched Lizards where one or two of the colors have been lost. Interestingly, the yellow sneakers are often the first to go; for some reason they have lost their edge over the oranges and thus can no longer compete in this reptilian rock-paper- scissors game. The second strategy to go varies: in some locations it’s the oranges and in some it’s the blues. These losses in strategies result in significant changes in the remaining males such as body size, which may cause the evolution of new species.

MUSIC fades out

DEVON (CONT’D)

But let’s not forget the other half of this species; the females are locked in breeding-strategy combat as well: and this one is a one-on-one battle of quantity vs quality, known as r and K strategies in scientific terms.

First, the orange females.

AWAITING AN ARRIVAL begins

DEVON (CONT’D)

The orange females have an r strategy, meaning they invest in quantity. They lay larger clutches of around 5 eggs on average, but the babies that hatch are very small.

MUSIC ends

DEVON (CONT’D)

And last, the yellow females.

TITTER SNOWBIRD begins

DEVON (CONT’D)

The yellow females utilize a K strategy, meaning they invest in quality. They lay smaller clutches of around 3 eggs on average, but the babies are significantly larger.

MUSIC ends

DEVON (CONT’D)

Which of these female strategies comes out on top is dependent not on the population of the other strategy, as in males, but instead on the amount of food.

AWAITING AN ARRIVAL begins

DEVON (CONT’D)

When there is limited food available, the orange females’ hatchlings are most successful. Because there are more of them, there’s a higher chance at least some of them will make it; but, more importantly, being smaller, they require less food per lizard, which is more suitable in times of limited resources.

CUT TO:

TITTER SNOWBIRD

DEVON (CONT’D)

But when there is a lot of food available, however, the hatchlings of the yellow females gain the upper… foot. A boom in food allows these larger hatchlings to sustain themselves, and because they are so much larger and stronger, they can easily outcompete the smaller hatchlings of the yellow females.

Unlike earlier, MUSIC is allowed to END at a regular speed.

DEVON

I hope you processed all of that craziness. So now, we’re mostly done with this lizard’s insanity.

CAP

Chicka Thank godwit.

DEVON

Common Side-blotched Lizards are native to dry regions as far south as Northern Mexico and as far north as central Washington State in the United States. Their range extends from as far west as central California and as far east as western Colorado and Texas.

They are commonly found in the deserts throughout their range, such as the Colorado Desert, Mojave Desert, and Chihuahuan Desert. And no, that is not a desert full of tiny dogs with buggy eyes.

CHIHUAHUAS BARKING

MURDER ON THE BAYOU begins (continues in BG)

DEVON (CONT’D)

They are often found in sagebrush or other sage and scrub habitats. Populations in Washington are found on roadsides and at sandy dunes and desert canyons, though they still need some cover to hide from predators and avoid overheating.

During the breeding season, females tend to hang out in areas that provide more cover.

MUSIC ends

DEVON

Common Side-blotched Lizards are what are called generalist carnivores, which pretty much means if something’s alive and can fit down their throat, they’re eating it.

MAZAMORRA begins

DEVON (CONT’D)

They mostly eat arthropods (animals with exoskeletons) such as grasshoppers, ants, termites, beetles, flies, spiders, and scorpions. Larger Common Side-blotches will even eat small lizards… even… other Side-blotched Lizards!

BUM, BUM BUUMM!

CAP

Chicka Remind me to never be reincarnated as Chicka a Common Side-blotched Lizard.

DEVON

 (Hesitant, confused)

Umm… okay…?

 (Normal)

Common Side-blotched Lizards are sit-and-wait predators, meaning they, well, sit and wait for their prey to come by and then they pounce.

And now, who’s ready for some more fun facts?

CAP

Chicka I’m not sure I Chicka am.

 (Defeated)

Chicka Okay, fine.

 (Groaning, unmotivated)

Chicka Fact number Chicka one.

DEVON

In their scientific name, Uta stansburiana, Uta is in reference to the US state of Utah, where they can be found, and stansburiana is in honor of Captain Stansbury, who collected “the first” Common Side-blotched Lizard specimens on an expedition to Utah.

CAP

Chicka Fact number Chicka two.

DEVON

There are actually at least eight other species of Side-blotched Lizards, not just the Common. Here are some of my favorites by name: the Swollen-nosed Side-blotched Lizard, Enchanted Side-blotched Lizard, and Dead Side-blotched Lizard. Remind me to tell my parents to stock up on food for the upcoming Side-blotched Lizard zombie apocalypse.

CAP

Chicka Fact number Chicka three.

DEVON

Like many other lizards, Common Side-blotched Lizards use head-bobbing and push-ups to defend their territories.

CAP

Chicka Fact number Chicka  four.

DEVON

The largest recorded Common Side-blotched Lizard was 5.12 inches or 13 centimeters long.

MUSIC ends

→ Atlantic Mudskipper

TRANSITION STING 2

DEVON

Now it’s time for animal number three:

DING-DING

DEVON

The Atlantic Mudskipper.

CHET

Chicka Now we’re back to a Chicka weirder name.

DEVON

Indeed. And though they aren’t the strangest thing about them, the oddities do start with their looks this time.

TOYS ON PARADE begins

DEVON

A National Geographic author describes them as, and I quote, “a tiny doorstop with a pair of fins and googly eyes.” Yes. I am not paraphrasing. The Atlantic Mudskipper is a fish in the goby family with a long, slender body. Their head is thicker than the rest of their body and their eyes are huge, standing up on the top of their head, sort of like on a cartoon frog. They are actually quite mobile allowing them to have a 360º panoramic view. Additionally, unlike the eyes of some animals, they are effective both above and below water.

Their pectoral fins—the fins on their sides, where you’d expect to see arms on a human or wings on a bird—are very strong. We’ll get to why very soon. Their skin is the same color as the sand, with darker, blotchy stripes across their body; this, of course, allows them to camouflage perfectly in the grass.

CAP

Chicka The sand color helps them camouflage in… Chicka the grass?

DEVON

Just making sure you were paying attention. The sand color helps them blend in with the sand.

They measure 5.9 to 9.8 inches or 15 to 25 centimeters in length.

MUSIC fades out in BG

DEVON

Now, let me address the fish in the room. If you remember the intro, you may already know the strangest part about this fish: they actually spend most of their time on land. So let me explain how this fish is able to sneak on land and mingle with the “traditional” land dwellers. Cue the spy music.

 (Pause)

Oh, wait—I’m in charge of that.

CLICK

SLOPPY JO begins

DEVON (CONT’D)

The first thing the Atlantic Mudskipper needs to fit in with the land dwellers, of course, is the ability to breathe on land. To explain how they do this, I first need to clarify how fish breathe underwater.

CUT TO:

BOROUGH

DEVON (CONT’D)

Fish, just like us, need oxygen in order to breathe; they cannot “breathe water,” so to speak. When air comes into contact with the water, it dissolves in. This dissolved oxygen in the water is what fish breathe. The main difference between a fish’s gills and our lungs is that gills are specifically designed to extract dissolved oxygen from the water, whereas our lungs are designed to extract oxygen from the air.

CUT TO:

SLOPPY JO

DEVON (CONT’D)

So to accomplish the feat of breathing on land with gills, mudskippers first collect water in pockets on their gills before setting off on their mission. You’d think after a little while, the dissolved oxygen in their water stores would run out and they’d have to hurry back to the water, right? Nope. When the air around them comes in contact with their water stores, the dissolved oxygen is replenished. And to further support their land breathing, they can absorb some oxygen through their skin and mucous membranes in their mouth directly from the atmosphere.

The next thing the mudskipper needs is to be able to walk. This is where those strong pectoral fins from earlier come into play. They use these strong, leg-like fins to pull themselves on land and, using their strong tail to balance themself, walk around on land. When there’s danger, they can even hop to safety. They can use their fins to climb up the roots of mangroves and rocks, where they like to hang out.

CUT TO:

BOROUGH

DEVON (CONT’D)

Mangroves are trees that grow in salt or brackish (part salt, part fresh) water, coastal swamps and have mostly exposed roots, making great shelters for small, aquatic or semi-aquatic animals… and mudskippers.

CUT TO:

SLOPPY JO

DEVON (CONT’D)

But they don’t just need to breathe—they also need to stay moist. To accomplish this, they dig burrows in the mud by scooping up the mud in their mouth and spitting it out away from the burrow. They use these burrows not only to stay wet, but also to stay safe from predators and lay eggs.

The mudskipper’s adaptations for surviving on land do come at a cost though: if they spend too much time in the water, they can actually drown! This is why they hang out on mangrove roots and rocks—so they don’t have to worry about drowning.

This message will self-destruct in 5 seconds.

COUNTDOWN BOMB

MUSIC ends with EXPLOSION

DEVON

Mudskippers are usually pretty peaceful fish, but, during the breeding season, males become very territorial and keep large territories. Fights wherein the males gape their mouths, raise their dorsal (back) fins, and leap towards each other are fairly common across the shores.

But when it comes time to attract a mate, it’s all about how high the male can jump.

CLASSICAL PIANO begins

DEVON (CONT’D)

You may not think of a muddy coastline as the stage for a romantic display, but not mudskippers. I mean, they have mud in their name. So with the mud as their backdrop, the males can jump as high as 2 feet or 61 centimeters out of the water. That may not seem like much, but that’s up to around 4 times the body length of a small Atlantic Mudskipper! 

MUSIC ends

DEVON

Atlantic Mudskippers live in fresh, salt, and brackish waters on the Atlantic coast of Africa, primarily above the equator. They are found in coastlines, estuaries, swamps, and mudflats.

Their diet consists of insects such as beetles, beetle larvae, flies, and crickets; small species of crustaceans; other arthropods; and worms. They can use their impressive vertical jumps to catch flying prey.

Now, it’s time for some fun facts.

CHET

 (Sarcastically)

Chicka Horay!

Chicka Fact number Chicka one.

CRUMBTOWN begins

DEVON

The name “mudskipper” refers to their behavior of sort of skipping across the mudflats.

CHET

Chicka Fact number Chicka two.

DEVON

In their scientific name, Periophthalmus barbarus, Periophthalmus means “round eye,” referring to their large eyes.

CHET

Chicka Fact number Chicka three.

DEVON

There are 42 other species of mudskipper known to science.

CHET

Chicka Fact number Chicka four.

DEVON

So the reason we have eyelids is mainly to spread tears across our eyes so they stay moist. Because most fish live in the water, where it is constantly moist, they don’t need eyelids. Since they spend a lot of time on land in the air, where it is not constantly moist, mudskippers have to find a very creative way to keep their eyes moist. Okay. I have said the word moist way too many times. So to keep their eyes damp, they suck their eyes back into their sockets. Let me say that again. They will (overly enunciating) literally retract their eyes into their sockets.

CHET

 (In despair)

Chicka This is only the third animal…

DEVON

It is indeed. When they retract it, their eyeball is covered by an elastic membrane called the dermal cup. Despite the much more complicated process, it actually takes around the same amount of time as it does for a human to blink.

CHET

Chicka Fact number Chicka five.

DEVON

Mudskippers require water to pick their food. To eat, the mudskipper leans forward, opens their mouth, protrudes a water bubble, envelops their food with it, and then sucks up the food in the water.

CHET

Chicka Fact number Chicka six.

DEVON

The Atlantic Mudskipper… can climb trees.

CHET

 (In despair)

Chicka Two… more… crazy Chicka animals…

DEVON

They use their pelvic fins (the two fins on their chest area) and pectoral fins to scoot up the tree. Mudskippers are like the all-terrain vehicles of the fish world—shallow water, mud, dry land, and trees. It wouldn’t surprise me if they could fly. Actually, it would.

MUSIC ends

→ Hoatzin

TRANSITION STING 3

DEVON

Now for animal number four:

DING-DING

DEVON (CONT’D)

The Hoatzin. They are like if Frankenstein decided his creature needed a pet bird.

CAJETA begins

DEVON (CONT’D)

They have a spiky reddish-brown to orange mohawk, a bright blue, bare face, red eyes, a bright yellow throat, dark chestnut flight feathers (the long wing feathers used for flight), a black back, and a dark bronze tail with a greenish tint and a white band at the end. They look sort of like a decked-out chicken with a large body and a longish, thick neck. They measure 24 to 26 inches or 61 to 66 centimeters long from head to tail and weigh up to 1.98 pounds or 0.9 kilograms.

The chicks hatch featherless, but soon grow a layer of black down (the soft feathers that keep birds warm).

Now here is where things start to get a little stranger.

CHET

Chicka Oh boy.

DEVON

If you look at a Hoatzin chick, you’ll notice something interesting: they have a pair of posable claws on each wing.

CAP

Chicka Woah, woah, what?!

CHET

Chicka You sure you didn’t misspell “foot” Chicka as “wing”?

DEVON

No. I’m pretty sure it was “wing.” Otherwise it would be completely normal. Hoatzin chicks have claws on their wings. Or maybe they don’t because they don’t exist.

CAP

Chicka Just explain.

DEVON

Alright. But first, let me just say, before you think this is because of their having evolved from dinosaurs, birds are dinosaurs. Sorry, just  a pet peeve. And this is not a remnant of their ancestors anyway, the chicks re-evolved the wing claws for a very specific purpose.

See, Hoatzin nests are built on branches that extend over water. So when a predator like a snake or monkey comes over with Hoatzin chicks on the dinner menu, they only have a few options. Plan A is to use those posable claws to climb away from the predator’s reach. But if that isn’t plausible, they only have one way to go: down.

Hoatzin chick falling and splashing into water.

DEVON (CONT’D)

So the chick takes a swan—rather, Hoatzin—dive into the water below and hangs out just below the surface. Once the predator has left, they birdy paddle back to shore and use their claws to pull themself up and climb back up the tree to their nest.

They lose these claws once they’ve matured and can fly (albeit clumsily), as then they no longer need them to escape danger.

MUSIC ends

DEVON

But don’t get the idea that the strangeness is over now that they’ve lost those claws. Oh, I’m only getting started. Let’s talk about their diet. See, Hoatzins are the only birds that eat nothing but leaves, and because of that, their digestive systems have evolved to be reminiscent of those of cows.

HEATH begins

DEVON (CONT’D)

Leaves are not very nutritious. So to get every little bit of nutrients out of them, they have evolved multi-chambered stomachs where the leaves can be digested by bacteria. These bacteria release methane gas, which the Hoatzin burps out, much like cows.  This causes an… unpleasant odor to surround them, earning them the name… stinkbird.

ENDING PART OF SAD TROMBONE

DEVON (CONT’D)

To further aid in digestion, they let the leaves ferment (get broken down by bacteria) in their crop (a pouch in birds’ throats). Not only does this digestive system smell, it also takes a while—up to 45 hours or almost 2 days. Because of this, Hoatzins spend much of their time—up to 80%—just hanging out, unable to fly due to their full crops. Not only does this limit their total amount of flight time, it also means it may take up to 70 days for young to be able to fly.

MUSIC ends

DEVON

As with the other species we’ve covered, Hoatzins are very territorial, especially during the breeding season. During that time, pairs search for territories of their own in which to build their nests. As I previously said, they are picky about their nest sites, picking only the finest waterside branches. Since these territories are hard to come by, both the male and female actively defend their territory. They also make a point out of letting other Hoatzins know it’s their territory through visual and auditory displays. Since the competition is so fierce, Hoatzins often live in their parents’ territories for a few years before they attempt to find their own. During those few years, the young help their parents raise new broods of chicks and protect their family territory, similar to the young crow helpers we discussed in our first episode.

Hoatzins can be found throughout the Amazon Rainforest in northern and central parts of South America. They live in swamps; freshwater marshes; the banks of rivers, streams, and lakes; and forests along rivers and wetlands.

Now, let’s talk about some fun facts.

CAP

Chicka Fact number Chicka one.

TAN GLOVE begins

DEVON

There are two possible origins of their name: the first comes from the Nahuatl word “huāctzīn,” which referred to many chicken-sized birds in central Mexico. Early naturalists (nature experts) from Europe used this term for many similar birds across the Americas. Alternatively, it may stem from the Nahuatl word “uatzin,” translating to pheasant in English.

Their genus, Opisthocomus, and family, Opisthocomidae, translate to “long hair behind” in Greek, referring to their funky feather-do.

CAP

Chicka Fact number Chicka two.

DEVON

Scientists have had a hard time tracking down who their closest relatives are. I guess Hoatzins don’t use anything like Ancestry.com.

Due to the lack of visually or behaviorally similar birds in South America, genetic testing was required to track down their relatives. This led scientists to all kinds of theories, from the crested, fruit-eating Turacos of Africa, to the doves that live across the globe. More recently, the search finally led to plovers (a kind of small shorebird) and cranes from sequencing the Hoatzin’s genome. Who would’ve thought?

CAP

Chicka Fact number Chicka three.

DEVON

Explaining why their relatives were so hard to trace, Hoatzins are literally one of a kind! Meaning, they are the only species in their scientific family. For reference, the family humans are in,  Hominidae, also includes Chimpanzees, Bonobos, Gorillas, and Orangutans. Hoatzins likely diverged (separated) from other birds around (ping-pong delay with short delay time) 65 million years ago.

CAP

Chicka Fact number Chicka four.

DEVON

Hoatzins have a large, rubbery callus (a callus is a part of skin or other soft body tissue that is especially hard or thick) on their chest that they use as a third leg, turning them into an avian tripod. They use this mainly to keep from falling over while digesting. I am not kidding. Unless this is the fake animal…

→ Stomach-Sucker

TRANSITION STING 4

DEVON

Now for the fifth and final animal:

DING-DING

DEVON (CONT’D)

The Stomach-Sucker. Though this fish may not be the strangest of the five animals, they may be the grossest. More on that… very soon.

CHET

Chicka Uh oh.

PASTA FROLA fades in

DEVON

The Stomach-Sucker is a species of blenny. They have evolved to look much like the Bluestreak Cleaner Wrasse (which is probably the fish you think of when you think cleaner fish), with a wide, black stripe going along both of their sides and a white underbelly. They are light blue around their tail and yellow to brown around their face. This fish has a long and streamlined body with a pointed snout and small mouth. They range from 4.5 to 5.5 inches or 11.4 to 14 centimeters long.

MUSIC ends

DEVON (CONT’D)

Now here’s the part where the name “Stomach-Sucker,” their mimicry of Cleaner Wrasse, and the possible grossness come into play.

CAP

Chicka How about we skip this and Chicka instead talk about caps? Chicka The episode’s pretty much Chicka done anyway.

DEVON

Nice try. Nope.

CAP

Chicka Dang it.

Sounds of being UNDERWATER fade in under speech.

DEVON

Young adult Stomach-Suckers spend the early days of their fish adulthood swimming around the ocean, in search of their next victim.

PUBLIC DOMAIN JAWS THEME begins (ends before the end of pg. 26) 

DEVON (CONT’D)

Once they find a turtle or larger fish in search of Cleaner Wrasse to get cleaned off, they put their devious plan into motion. They first mimic the dance of the Bluestreak Cleaner Wrasse by spreading their fins and bobbing their tailfin up and down; this elicits the turtle or larger fish, the client, to position themself to be cleaned. But instead of cleaning the client, they quickly dart into their open mouth and down through their esophagus.

The sound of the Stomach-Sucker rushing through the water and down the CLIENT’S throat and the CLIENT swallowing.

DEVON (CONT’D)

Once they land in their stomach, they live up to their name. Along their belly, they have a usually hidden suction cup that they use to attach themself to the inside of the stomach. They also have very strong scales that allow them to resist the stomach acid and remain in the stomach. Then, they wait until the client, or, really, the host for this parasite, has a meal. They then gobble up all they can of the food their unwitting host swallows for themself.

They are a parasite as opposed to a parasitoid, meaning they do not kill their host. This is primarily because they’re very small, meaning they don’t deny their host of too much food, but they do live off of their host for as many as four years.

UNDERWATER ATMO fades out.

DEVON (CONT’D)

When it comes to breeding, things get even crazier.

 (pause)

Chet? Cap? No comment?

CAP

Chicka My insanity comprehension capacity has reached Chicka its limit.

SNEAKY ADVENTURE begins or fades in under speech

DEVON

Okayyy… They are semelparous—the opposite of the iteroparous Side-blotched Lizards—meaning they only breed once. When it’s around that time of year—anywhere from February to July—a male detaches from the wall of the stomach and goes through the digestive tract until he’s back into the world.

CHET

Chicka Ew.

DEVON

Meanwhile, a female excretes a special pheromone into her host’s stomach which then comes out in the host’s stool (droppings).

When the male finds this pheromone-spiked excrement, he follows the usual ritual to sneak into the host, and joins the female. He suctions on right beside her to show her his stunning colorations, but if she doesn’t approve of this male, it’s back out through the digestive tract with him and he has to find another female. If she does like him, however, they mate. They don’t spawn like some other fish, instead the babies—10 to 20 of them—develop inside the female.

Due to them, well, living in fish and turtle stomachs, scientists do not know the gestation period of these fish.

When the female gives birth to her 10 to 20 babies, they all leave the host to start their new lives. It is unknown how long it takes for them to fully develop, but until they grow into adults, these baby fish—called fries—feed off of algae growing on rocks. Once they’ve matured, they go off in search of a new fish or turtle to start the process back over again.

Stomach-Suckers are found around coral reef flats and seward reefs in the Indian Ocean around southern and eastern Africa and the Red Sea.

Now it’s time for the last fun facts. Just three more facts, Chet.

CHET

 (inhales and exhales in preparation)

Chicka Alright. Chicka Fact number Chicka one.

DEVON

Their species part of their scientific name, the cibufurem in Aspidontus cibufurem, comes from the Latin “cibus furem,” meaning, “food thief.” This, of course, referring to their nature of stealing the food out of other sea creatures’ stomachs.

CHET

 (anticipation of being finished building)

Chicka Fact number Chicka two.

DEVON

They are closely related to the False Cleanerfish, another blenny that mimics Cleaner Wrasse. Instead of sneaking into fish and turtle’s stomachs, False Cleaners snatch scales off of the host fish.

CHET

 (anticipation peaked)

Chicka Fact number Chicka three!

DEVON

Scientists are using Stomach-Suckers’ stomach-acid-proof scales to design super-strong, wear-resistant materials.

MUSIC ends

→ How to Guess

TRANSITION STING 5

DEVON

So ends this Late-pril Fools’ episode of Kingdom: Animalia.

APRIL FOOLS MUSIC begins 

DEVON

So now that you’ve heard about all five animals, the Sarcastic Fringehead, Common Side-blotched Lizard, Atlantic Mudskipper, Hoatzin, and Stomach-Sucker, it’s time for you to guess which one is fake. You can submit your first two guesses on a Google Form, which is linked in the show notes or you can get to it from the page for this episode at kingdomanimaliapod.com/ fools2024. All you have to do is put you and your parent or guardian’s name and their email, and then you can pick your top two guesses. At the end you can select to get entered into the raffle for the Chet and Cap models, and/or get a shout out on the show, or none of the above if you get it right (whether the correct animal was your first or second guess doesn’t matter, I don’t even keep track of that). Submit the Google Form with your top two guesses of which of today’s animals was the fake by the end of Saturday, August 31, for a chance to win the Chet and Cap models and/or get a shout out on the show. We will reveal the fake the day after, so fill it out as soon as possible. We’ll also post a few reminder episodes between this episode and the reveal. If you win, I’ll contact your parent or guardian so we can mail you your prize. (speaking like in a commercial) That’s the link in the show notes or kingdomanimaliapod.com/fools2024 for a chance to win your very own set of Chet and Cap models or a shout out on Kingdom: Animalia. All submissions accepted until Saturday, August 31. (speaking normally). Now on with the outro.

MUSIC ends

→ Outro

MURDER ON THE BAYOU fades in

DEVON

If you want to read along with the transcript for this episode, you can click the link in the show notes or go to the page for this episode. Much of the music in this episode is courtesy of Blue Dot Sessions (www.sessions.blue), ZapSplat (zapsplat.com), and Kevin MacLeod (in comp e tech.com). Or maybe it’s in compete c h.com? Just check the show notes if you want the url. Cap…?

CAP

Chicka If you like what you hear, then Chicka probably someone else will, Chicka too! Chicka You can support us and Chicka give other people you know a great Chicka new podcast to listen to! Chicka Tell you friend! Chicka Your teacher! Chicka Your cousin! Chicka Even that spider that watches your every move from Chicka your ceiling! (voice getting progressively darker) Chicka Your every move. Chicka Every single Chicka move.

DEVON

Okay, that got a little weird. Anyway, it really helps us. If you want to go the extra mile, you can support us on Patreon for as little as 1 US dollar a month at patreon.com/KingdomAnimaliaPodcasts (that’s “podcasts” plural). If that’s not currently an option for you, just spread the word about us.

If you have any questions or episode suggestions, you can send us an email or have your parent or guardian send us an email to animals@kingdomanimaliapod.com (it’s also in the show notes).

That’s all for this week. We’ll release the reveal next week. We’re currently working on the next three episodes, so, until next time, send in your guesses, always remember that no matter how crazy you think the animal kingdom is, it’s really twenty times crazier, and keep exploring this amazing kingdom:… Animalia. Bye!

CHET

Chicka Bye!

CAP

Chicka Until we meet again!

MUSIC plays out.

CAP

Chicka Welcome to crazy town.

END OF EPISODE.